Dancing in the Figurative Autumnal Rain

I started this Monday off by reflecting on the previous week and thought I’d try to put some of it into words. After months of struggling against the stream and just trying to keep my head above water I feel like I finally got a few tangible rewards last week. I think when one experience a period of hardship, it really makes one that much more grateful for the little things.

It began on Tuesday with being able to do three hours of work, which hasn’t been possible since June I noticed once I’d checked my calendar. I mean, I knew it’d been a while since I’d completed my three hours, but not that long. It felt great, to say the least, so I rewarded myself with a proper lunch out and a book to read beside it. That too felt absolutely amazing, being able to dive into a literary world without immediately being pulled back because of my body screaming for something or other. For a few hours I was blissfully satisfied. Friday brought the same achievement, another three hours! It felt amazing, like despite everything that demands my attention every single day health wise I could still be allowed a few moments of feeling invincible because of that sense of achievement that came alongside this.

I also enjoyed some wonderful hours in the company of really good friends. It’s friends like those that help keep my spirits up even on my darkest days, so to be able to share time together in the light as well is something I appreciate dearly.

I am feeling so grateful because these little (but simultaneously big) things have filled me up so much just when I needed it the most. The hard times are hard, but it gives me strength to outlast it knowing that there are these wonderful things waiting for me on the other side. Something worth fighting for.

To quote a song I’ve taken to listening to lately when I am just trying to get through the day, or am experiencing progress and just want to relish in that feeling:

“This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me” – Fight Song, Rachel Platten. Listen on Spotify HERE

So, here’s to fighting, even when it just feels like you’re giving up. Some times fighting is simply getting through the day, going to bed and doing the same tomorrow.

We can do this, each and every one of us, that I believe. We just have to remember we’re the reed in the storm and not the oak; The oak might be strong and resilient, but eventually it breaks, but the reed bends with the pressure, and when the pressure lessens the reed rises once more.

So, until then, let’s dance in the figurative autumnal rain.

With love,

– Martie xx

Laidback Thursday

It’s Thursday! This is of no big significance for my week other than the fact that another week seem to just have flown by… tomorrow it’ll suddenly be the weekend again. 

I’m currently seated outside on the porch with a book and some tea, as I wasn’t feeling all that great today I thought I’d aim for some fresh air; my body seems to be caught beneath a blanket of grogginess, it’s very frustrating as it’s the same state one is in when first waking up, except I’ve been awake for three hours.   

I actually overshot how many warm layers I needed as the sun warmed more than I had originally thought, but I can never be too careful as I don’t want another cold! I hope that some fresh air will help wake me up. There are birds bustling in the hedge and airplanes crusing overhead, no doubt people escaping to warmer scenery…

The plan for today is to finish the cleaning of my room, but if that’ll happen remains to be seen as in order for it to become a reality I need my body and mind to perk up! The day’s still young so I am motivated for this to work. 
– Martie xx

A Touch of Magic

I’m absolutely loving the recent chill in the air! When I poke my head outside it’s like I can smell the crispness of everything, it’s an extra smell that comes with the cold and the changing of the trees, I can’t explain it properly, just that I enjoy it — immensely. Yesterday I was at a session with my psychomotor-physiotherapist and I filled her in on recent events, and even though it’s common to have these setbacks she instructed me to take some time to get back to doing something I enjoy, something that gives me something positive so that I can get my motivation back, something that feels good in both body and mind. The task turned out to be easier said than done and I wandered aimlessly at home afterwards without much clue as to what this thing should be, and so when I got an inkling of a temptation towards my sketchbook and ink — which I hadn’t touched in three years — I figured I could just go for it, no thoughts, no worries as to what I should draw or that it wouldn’t be good enough, I’d simply just do it and enjoy myself.

I bundled up in fleece, wool and thick sweatpants, made some tea in a thermos mug and sat up a little camp outside on the porch, music on my laptop and otherwise just disconnected from both the world, but most importantly my own head.

I stayed there until my fingers were too frozen to execute the task at hand. I think it was close to two hours of blissful silence in my head, which is a luxury I seldom get. My sketching had no aim, so after playing around with pencils I headed over to ink, without caring what the result might be. Some times all you need to do is create something.

Again I pulled a Yogi tea from the cupboard that told me “You are unlimited” a hint? I think it might’ve been as I clearly wasn’t accepting the tag the first go around, some times the nudges are right there in your face, waiting for you to be ready enough to invite them in.

Now I’m curled up in bed after tidying all day, my room is far from decent after three weeks of neglect, but at least I got all the laundry out of the way (four loads…) and tidied up the place, next up will be dusting, hoovering and washing, but that’s a task for Thursday as I have an appointment tomorrow. Small tasks to fill the days up until I can add more; everything is crawling forwards again.

Earlier today I watched an old Harry Potter tribute video that I’d completely forgotten about, and it made me want to re-read and re-watch the series, but as I’ve seen the films more than I’ve read the books I decided to re-read it all. The rest of the evening is reserved for The Chamber of Secrets, slow music and fuzzy blankets, tea in hand. A nice conclusion to a productive day, compared to the last week.

I honestly envy the people who get to experience Rowling’s universe for the first time, it’s such a magical thing — pun intended 😉

– Martie xx

The Colourful Outdoors

Yesterday I went outside for the first time this week to stretch my legs and it’s amazing how much can happen with the trees in just one week. Sure, last weekend there were some orange and reds out there, but now? Amplified. Plus, a lot of it has ended up on the ground as well, and add in the crisp air the outdoors is pretty much perfection right now.   

The walk was short and exhausting, but so worth it! And it was nothing a little sleep couldn’t fix.  

 
If my body cooperates tomorrow then the plan is to go for a coffee and a walk in the city just to take in the sights and enjoy the outdoors, can’t wait!

– Martie xx